I LOVE THIS POEM! I decided I want to post this because I think it fits the Halloween mood that's approaching. I dunno the author. There are many variations of this poem too, so to anyone who may have heard of it: please don't shoot me about it being wrong.



"One fine day in the middle of the night"

Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.

The topic to discuss...
The crime that has never been committed.

For one fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys* got up to fight, [*or men]
They lived on the corner, in the middle of the block,
On the second floor of a vacant lot,

On had a fiddle and one had a drum,
And one had a pancake stuck to his bum,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A mute onlooker shrieked in fright
And a lame man danced at the ghastly sight,

A paralyzed donkey passing by,
Kicked a blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this lie,
Then ask the blind man who saw it.

For one fine day in the middle of the night
A bucket of water caught alight.
A blind man saw it,
A deaf man heard it,
And the mute man shouted for the fire brigade.
The fire engine came pulled by six dead horses
Ran over a dead cat and half killed it,

While it was sitting at a square round table,
Eating vinegar with a fork.

And the narrator with his story untold,
Meekly whispered, loud and bold,
The beginning words to the meeting's end,
“You, my enemy are now my friend,”
“Oh, I see” said the blind man,
To his two deaf daughters on the disconnected telephone.